Scariest Thing Ever

I have discovered the scariest thing ever. Take this short quiz to see if you have what it takes to write a horror film script that will instantly make you millions of dollars.


Pop quiz:

1. What is the scariest thing ever?
a. Identity theft
b. Nuclear war
c. Clowns

2. What is most likely to kill you?
a. Cancer
b. Gun
c. Possessed devil child who lives in your mirror

3. What thoughts keep you awake at night?

a. Visions of rainforest deforestation
b. Visions of a pale child singing nursery rhymes without smiling


4. What would be the creepiest thing to have you staring you in the eyes when you wake up?
a. Chucky doll
b. Sid’s doll head with spider legs (from Toy Story)
c. Dora the Explorer
d. ____________ (write-in answer)

5. What would be the worst thing to be locked in a dark room with?
a. Bernie Madoff
b. The demon inside Bernie Madoff
c. A marionette doll of Bernie Madoff

Answers:
1. C
2. C
3. B
4. D: You wake up and the Chucky doll is lying next to you, and Dora is staring him in the eyes.
5. Trick question: It’s all of them in the room with you and they are wearing birthday party hats.


Did you get them all right? If so, you have realized that kids and their kid paraphernalia is our country’s worst nightmare. I challenge you to think of anything scarier. That is why I won't be going to see Splice when it comes out this summer.

How I Made Lasagna in Less than 4 Months

             Before this summer, I knew how to cook pasta of many varieties, fried eggs, and pancakes.  I had never experienced the tender crunch of holding a frozen chicken breast or the pleasure of preparing a meal that had the delicious, steaming aroma of all 5 food groups. 

            What made me nervous about pulling out the chopping knives was that I knew from observation that cooking is an art, not a science.  Baking I could handle.  I had been carefully sifting, making wells, and mixing until soft peaks form since the 5^th grade.  During my first few weeks of cooking lessons I would ask my mom how much olive oil to add, and not turning from her cutting board she would say, “two glugs.”  Aside from teaching me her famous recipes for lasagna, stuffed shells, and shepherd’s pie, my mom showed me how to transform my tight-ass baking techniques into “glugs,” “shakes,” and “sprinklings.” 

            Another bonus was that I was also able to bond with my mom while standing over the simmering pans on our 1917 Hotpoint stove.  This eased some of the college-student-home-for-the-summer stress that I was nervous would arise during my first extended stay back home.  Instead, we planned meals, went grocery shopping, and experimented with new recipes together.  At a quick glace, we could have been mistaken for a Pillsbury Doughboy commercial, both happily grasping our wooden spoons, laughing at spilled batter, and voluntarily poking at that strange, pudgy, and completely white little man dancing around our kitchen table. 

            As a dessert to a successful summer, my mom and I went to see Julie and Julia together on its opening night.  Being a new blogger and chef-in-training, I was enthralled by a blogging and cooking-themed film.  Meryl Streep gave, as always, a show-stealing performance that made me leave the theater hungry, and brewing some great ideas. 

            If you’ve been thinking of giving the old meat cleaver a go, first take your mom out for a date to see Julie and Julia and get inspired to make your first lasagna.  You’ll learn the basics faster than you think and you’ll have a skill that is perfect for staying healthy, saving money, and impressing a date. 

 

 

Recipe for Rachel’s Mom’s Lasagna

 

Lasagna Pasta

2 eggs

1 cup grated cheese

1 package ground beef or ground turkey

1 container Ricotta cheese

Half an onion

Tomato sauce

 

1.  First cook the pasta and begin browning the ground beef on the stove.  Chop up the onion and add it to the meat.  

2.  While the pasta and ground meat are cooking, mix together the 2 eggs, ricotta cheese, and grated cheese.

3.  After straining the cooked pasta, you can begin assembling the lasagna in a large glass pan (approx. 8x13x2).  Begin with a layer of tomato sauce, then meat, then pasta, then cheese mixture and repeat for about 3 layers or until you have used up most of your ingredients (there tends to be leftover pasta).  Pour a bit more tomato sauce on top and bake in the oven at 350 degrees for about a half hour or until you see it start to bubble.