A Conversation about Talking

          Yesterday, Allyson and I were talking about how people complain so much.  Our conversation began when we were getting on the bus for our 10-minute ride home and by the time we unlocked our apartment door and threw our stuff on the kitchen table, we had come to three conclusions.  1.  The art of complaining is a mastery of clichés.  2.  Complaining is the easiest way to murder conversation.  3.  Complaining involves generous amounts of lying.  That wasn’t exactly how we said it, but in essence, that was what we decided.  Let me explain. 

            1.  Clichés:  Read Facebook statuses to become acquainted with America's most beloved complaints.  “Tired”, “lame,” and my personal favorite/least favorite, “FML - fuck my life” are a good place to start.  Allyson especially enjoys/hates the “if I was in charge of this, it would be so much cooler” scenario.  (For example: “Calculus is so lame.  There’s obviously no point to the quizzes he gives us.  Why don’t we just have one test at the end of the year like a normal class!?”)  These phrases are so versatile, that one could easily keep ongoing Facebook statuses going for a year just based around different variations of these 4 complaints.  For example: “Had and 8 AM class AND dropped my phone in a gutter today.  FML” and “Raining outside.  Lame” are both wonderful takes on a few simple pessimism must-haves.      

            2.  Murder:  Everyone knows the problem with clichés.  The first time you tell your friends a funny story about how bad your day was, and then finish it off with a crisp and satisfactory, “fuck my life,” everyone laughs at your clever use of pop language.  The next time you say it they sympathize with you by letting out a kind-hearted, “awwww..”.  Once you’ve really begun to over use it, they hurry through the conversation with a distracted, “ya, dude.”  After a while you’ll stop getting any reaction at all.  This can lead to problem #3 with complaining: you have to make up your story a little to get the amount of reaction from your audience that you deserve. 

            3.  Liar:  Aside from embellishment, there’s another type of lying involved in complaints.  I’m going to use the word “tired” (as in, “How are you?” “Tired”) for an example.  The problem with tired is that it can partially mean that you are literally fatigued or sleepy, but it often has a meaning in context that says much more.  “I’m tired” can mean, “I’m bored and don’t want to admit it.”  It can mean, “I’m feeling self-conscious about how lame I look right now.”  It can mean, “I’m trying to imply that I was up late partying last night.”  It can mean, “I think I like you more than you like me, so I’m going to seem distant and uninterested.”  Or it can simply mean, “I can’t think of anything to say to you right now, so please go away.”  Sometimes it can be tricky to determine which type of tired is being used, but the good news is that actual tiredness is usually quite easy to detect.  It typically involves lying down, choosing not to do things that one would normally enjoy, and it can sometimes be followed by some sort of actual resting.  (p.s. don’t be fooled by gangsta slouching.  This is when someone sits in a chair with their knees apart and their arms all strewn and relaxed, so that they look really cool.  It is the epitome of faux-tiredness.)

            My point here is not to bash pessimists.  It is in some people’s nature is to be sulky and I respect that, even if I don’t understand it.  What I don’t appreciate is spreading bad-will for no reason, which is why I’m starting an experiment with myself.  I recognize that as much as I hate it, I complain too, so my goal is to stop.  Before I open my mouth to say something negative I need to think, am I saying this because it is constructive or funny or helpful?  Or am I saying it because I want sympathy, or I just can’t think of anything else to say?  Please don’t misinterpret my goals.  I don’t think people should stop talking about bad things.  We can’t fix what is wrong if we don’t talk about it.  What I do think is that many people -- including me -- over indulge in complaining as a way of filling in the blank spaces of our lives with unmemorable little scribbles that prevent us from having to spell out the things that are most important to us, and often, the most difficult to discuss.