Newsflash: There’s More Than One Way to Get News

The last time I watched the news voluntarily for more than two minutes was the 2008 presidential elections.  The time before was that was the 2004 elections, I think.  I try to read the New York Times more often, but that endeavor usually turns out to be as successful as my sporadic flossing regimens.  To be honest, I usually find traditional news simultaneously boring and overwhelming.  There are a few sources that do keep me in the loop, though.  This American Life and The Daily Show are my two regular media fixes that I can enjoy while keeping track of the world outside my window.         

 

1.  If you’ve never listened to This American Life on public radio before, you’ll think it sounds stupid when I say that I was stirring my boiling macaroni in captivated suspense this afternoon while I listened to a story about a man trying to produce a puppy channel on TV and why guys like Rupert Madoff rejected the idea.  Without encountering This American Life before, you couldn’t understand how this weekly radio show breaks apart the folklore of American life – faith, disaster, love, entrepreneurship, history, and epiphany – and separates it into the tiny, personal stories that created these mega-themes.  This American Life is not a news show.  However, it does spend a lot of time explaining American trends and culture that I hadn’t understood before listening.  For me, the one hour show is the opportunity to reflect about the unique and sometimes absurd directions people's lives can take them and consider the route that I am taking.  Download a podcast of the show for free from itunes and check out their site at thisamericanlife.org. 

 

2.  Okay – it’s not a real news program.  Real news doesn’t make poop jokes or have nearly as diverse a team of reporters.  However, despite the fact that The Daily Show is intended to be entertainment, you still get more truth per minute (tpm) than you would from watching FOX and you can catch quick highlights of the day’s events without having to pretend that you are a current events/world affairs expert.  Of course, The Colbert Report is another legitimate fake news option if a faux depiction of right-wing conservative republicans is what you are after, but I still find Jon Stewart’s satire a more daring attempt to unveil the biased, misleading, and self-serving beast that American news media has become.  

 

Traditional TV news is just not right for me, and for all I know, my methods might not be right for you.  However, I do think that keeping up with the news is important, and should not be painful to injest.  If you need a new method, try reading blogs; checking out local newspapers (which are usually much thinner/quicker to read than The Globe); or reading newsmagazines like Time, which give more in-depth stories once a week, rather than brief stories every day.  Be realistic while you’re looking at your options; if the source bores you on the first day, you’re not going to be able to force yourself through it week after week, so don’t waste your time. 

Even though keeping up with the news seems geeky, it provides many useful skills, like being able to relate history to current events in essays for class, and being better at shouting out answers while watching Jeopardy, not to mention molding you into an informed and engaged citizen.  Once you find a good source, it can be easy to do thoughtful, interesting, and intellectual activities all on your own!          

Playing Tricks on Yourself ... in a Good Way

Those looming essays – “How the Invention of the Barometer Effected Modern Society,”  “Political Trends that Impacted the Renaissance Movement” – always tend to pile up at the back of your head, building intensity until the night before they are due, and then KABOOM!  You remember you have to do them.  You freak out.  You try to start, but you can’t concentrate.  You panic.  You finally resign yourself to doing it.  You take a late dinner break.  You crank out a conclusion in the morning and when you pass it in, you feel like you are getting rid of a slimy piece of uncooked animal fat that has been rolled out and stapled to a works cited page.                

 Procrastination. 

            Everyone puts off work at some point, but the problem with procrastination is that it can be stressful and it can take all the enjoyment of a task that isn’t even that bad.  The truth is that writing essays (or cleaning the bathroom, or balancing your checkbook) can be boring, hard work, but it doesn’t have to be the terrible beast that you’ve imagined. 

            The most common thing that people do to make their homework less enjoyable is to go at it unprepared.  You wouldn’t decide to go out for a 5-mile run, stand up, and run out the door in your jeans and socks, holding a mug of tea.  So why would you torture yourself with spontaneous homework?  Instead, try coming up with a brief ritual to get yourself warmed up.  You might already do a few things naturally, but take some time to think about what you need.  I know that I don’t like to start my work until after I’ve, got 1) a mechanical pencil, 2) a comfortable chair 3) a snack 4) my books and computer within reach and 5) a snack.  What is it that you need?  A 15-minute walk?  A cup of juice?  Some Mozart?  Pamper yourself before you get started, and hopefully you’ll find that it’s easier to concentrate when you have already taken care of all your needs. 

            Another reason that people procrastinate is because the project that they have before them seems so huge and intense that they are afraid of getting started.  This, of course, is an illogical way of looking at a problem, but everybody does it at some point.  One way to solve this is to coax yourself into getting started.  Gather everything you need for a project and get to work, but only for 30 minutes.  Time it.  It will be much easier to concentrate without stressing when you know you only have to work for half an hour.  And once you’ve gotten started, it will be less painful to get to work on it again tomorrow. 

            The final piece of anti-procrastination advice I have is this: get excited, even if you have to force yourself.  Homework is much easier to do if you enjoy it, so when you have to work on something that doesn’t seem interesting, MAKE IT INTERESTING.  Think of a creative way to present your information; choose an essay topic that you are passionate about; bring your own hobbies and interests into a topic that you find boring; and most importantly: be open minded.  Usually assignments don’t turn out to be as bad as we imagine them, so stop worrying and start writing.     

A Conversation about Talking

          Yesterday, Allyson and I were talking about how people complain so much.  Our conversation began when we were getting on the bus for our 10-minute ride home and by the time we unlocked our apartment door and threw our stuff on the kitchen table, we had come to three conclusions.  1.  The art of complaining is a mastery of clichés.  2.  Complaining is the easiest way to murder conversation.  3.  Complaining involves generous amounts of lying.  That wasn’t exactly how we said it, but in essence, that was what we decided.  Let me explain. 

            1.  Clichés:  Read Facebook statuses to become acquainted with America's most beloved complaints.  “Tired”, “lame,” and my personal favorite/least favorite, “FML - fuck my life” are a good place to start.  Allyson especially enjoys/hates the “if I was in charge of this, it would be so much cooler” scenario.  (For example: “Calculus is so lame.  There’s obviously no point to the quizzes he gives us.  Why don’t we just have one test at the end of the year like a normal class!?”)  These phrases are so versatile, that one could easily keep ongoing Facebook statuses going for a year just based around different variations of these 4 complaints.  For example: “Had and 8 AM class AND dropped my phone in a gutter today.  FML” and “Raining outside.  Lame” are both wonderful takes on a few simple pessimism must-haves.      

            2.  Murder:  Everyone knows the problem with clichés.  The first time you tell your friends a funny story about how bad your day was, and then finish it off with a crisp and satisfactory, “fuck my life,” everyone laughs at your clever use of pop language.  The next time you say it they sympathize with you by letting out a kind-hearted, “awwww..”.  Once you’ve really begun to over use it, they hurry through the conversation with a distracted, “ya, dude.”  After a while you’ll stop getting any reaction at all.  This can lead to problem #3 with complaining: you have to make up your story a little to get the amount of reaction from your audience that you deserve. 

            3.  Liar:  Aside from embellishment, there’s another type of lying involved in complaints.  I’m going to use the word “tired” (as in, “How are you?” “Tired”) for an example.  The problem with tired is that it can partially mean that you are literally fatigued or sleepy, but it often has a meaning in context that says much more.  “I’m tired” can mean, “I’m bored and don’t want to admit it.”  It can mean, “I’m feeling self-conscious about how lame I look right now.”  It can mean, “I’m trying to imply that I was up late partying last night.”  It can mean, “I think I like you more than you like me, so I’m going to seem distant and uninterested.”  Or it can simply mean, “I can’t think of anything to say to you right now, so please go away.”  Sometimes it can be tricky to determine which type of tired is being used, but the good news is that actual tiredness is usually quite easy to detect.  It typically involves lying down, choosing not to do things that one would normally enjoy, and it can sometimes be followed by some sort of actual resting.  (p.s. don’t be fooled by gangsta slouching.  This is when someone sits in a chair with their knees apart and their arms all strewn and relaxed, so that they look really cool.  It is the epitome of faux-tiredness.)

            My point here is not to bash pessimists.  It is in some people’s nature is to be sulky and I respect that, even if I don’t understand it.  What I don’t appreciate is spreading bad-will for no reason, which is why I’m starting an experiment with myself.  I recognize that as much as I hate it, I complain too, so my goal is to stop.  Before I open my mouth to say something negative I need to think, am I saying this because it is constructive or funny or helpful?  Or am I saying it because I want sympathy, or I just can’t think of anything else to say?  Please don’t misinterpret my goals.  I don’t think people should stop talking about bad things.  We can’t fix what is wrong if we don’t talk about it.  What I do think is that many people -- including me -- over indulge in complaining as a way of filling in the blank spaces of our lives with unmemorable little scribbles that prevent us from having to spell out the things that are most important to us, and often, the most difficult to discuss.  

Baby with a Credit Card

The only issues that my roommate and I get really heated about are motorcycles and computers.  Neither of us is particularly computer-oriented (though we do check our Facebooks and use word processing quite frequently) and neither of us ever rides a motorcycle.  I am Mac and she is PC.  She is Harley and I am… anything but Harley.  Regardless, we are fanatically passionate about these products.  She argues that it’s crazy to spend $1000 on a computer when she only needed to spend $600.  I argue that my computer is twice as fast and will last twice as long.  Truthfully, though, I didn’t pick my Mac because of its processing speed.  That was a factor, of course.  But there was something deeper, more instinctual about my decision.  Macs are nostalgic for me.  I remember playing KidPix and Dark Castle on our old Mac, where you had to choose the “365 color” button on games to make them run better.  That is, if they had color.  I used iMovie on my dad’s Mac to edit my first movies.  I watched my sister head off to college with a blue and white MacBook.  I get that comfortable and homey, “fresh from the oven” feeling when I use my laptop that I just don’t get from the PCs at the library.    

            One could argue, of course, that I am simply more comfortable using the applications on a Mac, but what about the Harley debate?  The only time I rode a motorcycle, it was a Honda 50 on the trails behind my house.  The activity ended with me haphazardly driving across a small stream, up onto the banking again and stopping about 3 inches from an ash tree on the other side.  That was the beginning and end of my motorcycle career.  So why the hell do I care that Allyson used to clunk around her high school in a pair of black leather Harley Davidson boots?  The origin of my product preference is again from my childhood.  My dad and brother and uncles all ride motorcycles and I grew up a victim of endless dinnertime conversations about Gas Gas and KTM and Kawasaki and KDX.  Even though I didn’t ride them or know a single thing about them, they became the motorcycles of my childhood.  Likewise, Allyson had an uncle in Mosinee, Wisconsin with a Harley shop and she has fond memories of visiting her family there, and doubtless listening to Harley stories just like I heard Honda stories. 

            These debates got me thinking about other products from my childhood.  I started to wonder, “do I really love the products I love?  Or do I love that the people I love love them?  And is that reason enough to be loyal to a brand?”  My fondest retail memories from childhood were Barbie; Cinnamon Toast Crunch; Klutz books; Dunkin Donuts; and Chanel No. 5, which my grandmother was famous for wearing.  I remember flipping through Tiffany’s catalogues and picking out my engagement rings with my aunts when I was 7, and now, the Tiffany ring given to me by my mom when I turned 16 is one of my most treasured belongings.  My new self-awareness about the products I subconsciously love made me realize how dangerously routine I can be with brand loyalty.  I was surprised at how deeply shocked I was when I discovered that my college roommates used margarine, not Land O’Lakes butter.  Margarine just seemed wrong.  It made me uncomfortable to realize that I was so affected by the margarine that it felt like an ethical issue turning over in my stomach, not an issue of what to spread on my bread.             

            Even while I write, I still can’t help myself from smiling as I think back to Nerf guns and Double Bubble and dinner at the Olive Garden.  Of course, it was what I brought to these products, not the items themselves that make me so nostalgic.  If the job of a brand is to make you happy, then clearly all of the above have succeeded.  The issue is not that I still consider myself a PBS kid and an American Girl, it’s that the commercial decisions I made in the 3^rd grade are still affecting the products I value the most today. 

            When I asked Allyson to describe those old Harley boots to me, she couldn’t stop talking about how chunky and horrible they were, but when she finished her description she paused and said, “man, I love those boots.”  

What to Wear on Halloween

           In Burlington, Halloween is the biggest holiday of the year.  The celebration usually starts the Saturday before October 31^st and continues until the night of September 1^st, which is always filled with tired, stained costumes from its previous nights of being worn.  With this in mind it’s easy to see why we college students need to begin pondering our Halloween costume options around the beginning of August.  After many thoughtful costume discussions with my roommate, Allyson, I have come up with a set of guidelines for sporting the proper attire on All Hallows Eve. 

            1.  Don’t order a fully made costume from online.  It shows that you have no creativity or style, and you will be forced to wear a cheap, 100% polyester outfit that is highly flammable and highly shiny. 

            2.  Don’t spend a lot of money or brag about how much you spent on your costume.  Halloween is all about being resourceful and frugal.  If you want to blow your paycheck, go celebrate Christmas instead.  Usually, clever and inventive costumes made out of items you have in your kitchen drawer are as popular as expensive props bought at a costume store. 

            3.  The best costumes are unexpected and catchy.  Everyone has seen pirates and cowboys and hippies and it’s time to move on from these clichés.  An easy way to come up with new ideas is to think of very specific things, like a flying squirrel, mayonnaise jar, or a red blood cell.  It’s not hard as you think to make these costumes either.  For mayonnaise, all you need is a clear laminating sheet to make a label to wrap around your stomach and a mayonnaise jar cover to wear as a hat.

            4.  Use caution with indecent exposure.  Many girls think that the fun part about Halloween is that they get to wear their lingerie out in public.  While this may seem fun at first, it’s actually trampy and annoying.  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t wear something that you feel good in.  I’m saying that sexy for the sake of being slutty automatically becomes immature.  A costume that is geeky and fun and happens to be sexy is cool. 

            5.  Incorporate something that you already have as your “base” item for a costume.  While it’s fun going to second hand stores to find Halloween apparel, it can be frustrating when you have a specific idea in mind and you can’t find all the parts that fit into it.  That’s why it’s a good idea to build a costume off of some weird hat or funny prop that you already have at home.

            6.  Consider the weather.  October nights are cold in Vermont and it’s no fun walking around Burlington with miniskirts and cut off shorts in 40 degree weather, so keep the forecast in mind while you plan. 

            7.  If you’re thinking of doing a group costume, make sure you are working with motivated, reliable people, or keep the idea very simple.  Groups are hard to coordinate and take a lot of planning, especially if each person needs a unique and specific outfit.  It’s usually best to have a back up idea, in case your crew leaves you hanging.    

            Thursday is October first, so it’s time to start getting ready if you haven’t planned your outfit yet.  Of course, it may end up that you won’t get a burst of creative inspiration for your costume until the night of the 30^th, but even so it’s time to start collecting possibilities and keeping an ongoing Post-it note of your ideas.  Happy October to all and best of luck with your costume endeavors!         

My Guide to a Busy Lifestyle: Time Machines and Outer Space

            Now that I have embedded myself in a Jenga-dangerous schedule of academic and extra curricular activities this fall, I wake up panicking.  Whenever things are busy, I come to my senses every morning with high blood pressure and my teeth clenched, worrying that I’m forgetting the books that I need for class, or that I’ll double book myself for meeting, or that I’ll disappoint someone who will be writing me letters of recommendation someday. Today I found a remedy for that.  It came to me during a discussion in Scientific Revolutions, and I scribbled, “wake up on Pluto” in my daily planner so that I wouldn’t forget about it later.  It’s a sort of quasi-meditation activity to make me feel better when I am feeling like the Pentagon will implode if I don’t post my online response to the reading questions 3 days before it’s due.   

            Before you start the process, make sure you have someplace moderately relaxing and where you won’t feel self-conscious for closing your eyes.  (Just put your earbuds in and pretend you are sleeping).  It’s a good mental exercise to do when you wake up or anytime throughout the day that you find yourself panicking. 

            First picture yourself on Pluto.  Stereotypes work.  I’m thinking about cratery purple terrain and frigidness.  As soon as you get the feeling of being on Pluto take one giant jump through space and land on Neptune.  Then, before your other foot even has time to touch the ground, push off onto Uranus.  When you land on Uranus, say the Uranus/Your Anus joke once to yourself, and then skip to Saturn and Jupiter.  Dive face first through the asteroid belt and do some sort of cartwheelish gymnastics move over Mars and onto Earth.  Just so you know, you landed on Earth in year infinity BC and time is now moving at 5,000 years per second.  Before your eyes plants spring up, and then animals, and then dinosaurs.  Eventually, you see a caveman inventing a wheel, which rolls into Greeks statues, the renaissance, the Revolutionary War, and BAM it’s you being born.  Now your entire life zips before your eyes in exactly one second.  Any more time than a second is boring and difficult, so get yourself to the present pronto.  Congratulations, you have just traveled through an immense amount of space and time. 

            Now picture the current set of problems that you have to fix.  They should feel small in comparison.  If not, keep worrying, because there is probably about to be a nuclear explosion or something extremely monumental about to happen.  If your problems do seem more manageable, get to work.  And if you can, give all those planets and history a tiny, tiny nudge.        

            

The Road Never Before Traveled

          Anyone who’s taken high school English knows “The Road Less Traveled.”  Important choices, Robert Frost, one clear and breezy path, one rooty and dark path, etc.  In class, I remember discussing how the easy path makes boring, unchallenged people and the trickier path makes inspired, happier people.  Then the bell would ring for my next class and I would continue to be manhandled into a traditional, rule-following, white collar-destined person bound to a diploma, college, marriage, kids, career, retirement, death. 

            In truth, I am satisfied with the notion of experiencing all of these stages, but I have decided that I need to do it on my own terms.  That begins with rethinking everything.  There has never been a lifestyle designed to precisely fit my personality, so it would be unfair to my existence to recycle anyone else’s.  It is my challenge to create a personal biosphere, and I already have some ideas about where to start.  1.  I need a habitat that allows me to be synched with nature.  Sunlight should ribbon through my window when I wake up in the morning (unless its cloudy), and I should be able to experience the awesomeness of a forest or a river to chastise me whenever I am feeling too smug about the beauty of my existence.  2.  I need the company of someone who I love.  We should to be able to support each other without constricting our personal independence.  We should never have to be ashamed of how much we love each other, and we should never have to lie when our feelings change.  3.  I need to have enough quietness to be able to reflect.  Being I writer, I cannot produce anything worth reading without making a discovery about myself.  I should have a place and time when I am not bothered by others.  4.  I need to be busy with activities that always lead me towards a more meaningful and happy lifestyle.  Otherwise, I will fill my life up with unimportant “obligations” that waste the significance of my existence.  I should set myself up to make charity, gentleness, and understanding habit, not circumstance. 

            Now that I have arranged my priorities (which are changing by the second), I am already aiming myself towards a life that I desire, not just one that I can accept.  I hope that my life will prove that traditions (even pleasant ones) give people a limited view of their options.  I do plan to take a road less traveled, and I expect there to be some rocky ledges and prickly grass in it, but I’m not going to choose a dark path for the sake of having some gloominess in my life.  Instead, I want a path that will let me trip and fall in a gross, leafy mud puddle, and know it was totally worth the trouble.  That, I am sure, is what will make all the difference.