Being Prepared in Matters of Life and Death

            When I die, I want to be composted.  Undoubtedly, I will stink and begin to look disheveled briefly after my departure, so please cover me with corn husks and potato peels until I am in a more appealing state.  (i.e. dirt.)  When then time is right, put me in a terra cotta planter with an apple seed and a bit of water.  After I’ve outgrown my pot, plant me in a sunny, convenient spot. 

            This statement may be premature, since I have death scheduled into the “ripe old age” department of my daily planner, but I want to make my intentions clear because I find caskets to be the creepiest overpriced thing you could buy. 

            I got the idea for sending my corpse out with the moldy leftovers when I read Stiff by Mary Roach.  Though its title may leave you feeling flustered about the novel’s content, I assure you that this book gives an educated, thorough, and humorous account of human corpses throughout the ages and our persistent quandary of what to do with them.  Before reading this book, I tended to be squeamish about anything to do with blood and gore.  CSI Miami was my limit. I won't say that Roach made me want to sign up for medical school, but reading her novel made me feel more comfortable with the countless disgusting things that are occurring beneath my skin right now.  The book reads similarly to a Bryson novel, because it is a delectable parfait of historical fact and personal experience.  Roach does spend some up close and personal time with cadavers and gives some graphic descriptions of what happens to bodies after death.  Not only is this a thought-provoking summer read, it’s also a great book to leave on the coffee table as a conversation starter at a dinner party. 

            Although cadavers may seem like a morbid sort of conversation, mortality and death can usually spur some interesting and unexpected ideas from people who you think you know well.  My new favorite question to ask people is what their last meal would be.  A last meal is much more personal than a favorite meal.  A favorite meal might be spaghetti and meatballs.  A last meal requires more thought and questioning.  For example, do you want the last pasta you taste to be spaghetti or fettuccini?  Should there be peppers in the sauce?  Is there garlic bread on the side?  Do you want your dying breath to taste like garlic?  Calories no longer matter.  Neither do allergies or nutritional content.  A person’s last meal reveals something about him.  Whether he finds comfort in carbs, protein, or dairy.  Whether it is his mother’s banana bread or Wendy’s milkshakes that make him feel nostalgic.  It reveals his passions and weaknesses.  His fondest memories and his legacy.  As horribly simple and unmistakable as it is, we are what we eat. 

            My last meal would begin with a tall glass of ice water; 4 sliced cucumbers with Kraft Italian dressing; and red, seedless grapes.  The next course would be seafood Alfredo.  (Pasta would be mini shell shape.)  There would be shrimp, crab, scallops, and lobster meat, as well as zucchini, finely chopped broccoli, and carrots tossed with Alfredo sauce.  There would be a small handful of Parmesan cheese sprinkled on it.  My dessert would be key lime pie with graham cracker crust and a tuft of whipped cream on top.  There would also be a small square of dark chocolate on the side and a pina colada with coconut shavings.  I would also like a copy of the Kennebec Journal Life and Leisure section alongside my meal, with extra care that the Anne Lander’s column is included. 

            I’m curious to know what other people’s last meal would be and I encourage you to use the question whenever you find yourself in a boring or awkward conversation.  Push people to refine their answers and change their minds completely as they consider their options.  Inventing your last meal is one of the most delightful ways to ponder death.  I hope you will post your own last meal as a comment to this story and please look into Mary Roach’s novel, Stiff if you would like to continue to ponder your fate this summer.      

What I Did over my Summer Staycation: A Story about 7 Eco-Experiments

I’m totally into the “green” trend that’s been going on, but I want to do more than wear t-shirts with recycling signs on them, so this summer I experimented with 7 eco-ideas that were easy and cheap to try.  Here’s my countdown of the sweetest greens of the season:  

            7.  Goodwill:  Let’s face it, Goodwill is not the store to buy favorite jeans or a pair of running shoes.  Some of the stuff you and I need just has to be brand new.  Other stuff doesn’t.  Goodwill is my one-stop shopping for t-shirts that are ironically outdated, Halloween costumes, and sweet 80s-themed accessories.  For those of us who appreciate vintage, Goodwill is an oasis of overalls in a desert of maxi-length dresses and gladiator sandals.  This summer, I bought a practical and cute sweater at Goodwill for $5 and some dishware for my new apartment that only knocked me back $12.  Brand new, the combined cost for my two purchases would have probably been around $50.  Donating to Goodwill or shopping there is a rewarding way to recycle, reduce, and reuse, since it helps keep clothes and household goods out of landfills and in the homes of people who need them. 

            6.  Organic Make-Up:  I’ve been suspicious of all-natural beauty products ever since I bought an organic face wash at Trader Joes that made my eyes burn and smelled like swamp water.  Naturally, this made it difficult for me to part with $10 to buy myself some organic tinted moisturizer at Rite Aid last month, but it was a purchase that I didn’t regret.  My new, Organic Wear make-up doesn’t stink and works just as well as other brands that have an ingredient list with a word count that gives the 7^th Harry Potter a run for its money.  Sometimes my moisturizer does get liquidy and I have to shake it before using, but I would not say that this minor inconvenience makes me less than a completely satisfied customer.     

            5.  Recycled Toilet Paper:  This stuff is certainly not a luxury brand, but it gets the job done at an affordable price.  Recycled paper is definitely worth the trees it saves, but like any product that claims to be “recycled,” “organic,” or “all natural” be sure to check the packaging (or online) to see how eco-friendly its claims really are.  

            4.  Cloth Napkins:  Cloth napkins are the most colorful way to reduce and reuse this summer.  Shop around for some inexpensive ones that match (or clash trendily) with your dining décor.  They last for years, take up barely any room in the washing machine, and will make your friends jealous.  Who doesn’t want to dine in style? 

            3.  Homemade Bread and Other Delicacies:  I didn’t bake it myself, but I got the most delicious bread at my local farmer’s market last week.  Not only did the bread travel less than 20 miles from oven to mouth, but it also allowed me to support the friendly, local woman who sold it to me with my $4 purchase from her small business.  Our market also had strawberries, radishes, lettuce, organic meat, and a tempting variety of desserts available, so I’m planning to treat myself to a trip to the Augusta farmer’s market every weekend this summer. 

            2.  Best Product of the Summer:  When I bought Yes to Carrots face wash a few days ago, I instantly became addicted.  It made my skin smoother and softer than any other cleanser I have ever used.  Now I can’t wait to get out to Target, Rite Aid, or Walgreens to try some more Yes to Carrots products like their lotion, lip balm, and shampoo.  The packaging for these treasures is recyclable and the products contain at least 95% organic ingredients.  Yes to Carrots is also not tested on animals, so you can indulge in these vitamin-laden beauty necessities without guilt for about 10 to 15 dollars.

            1.  Food Inc.: A $6.50 movie pass changed the way I eat when I went to see Food Inc. last night.  This is the best horror film/food documentary since Supersize Me came out in 2004.  Food Inc. gives a thorough explanation of exactly what we are buying at grocery stores and in restaurants and why our current farming techniques need to change.  For example, I learned that since Mickey D’s is the #1 buyer of beef in the U.S., it is up to them (not the farmers) to decide how beef is produced and -- trust me -- it’s not a pretty story.  Go to http://www.foodincmovie.com/ to see the trailer and learn more.   

            If you feel inspired to try out some other green products please comment about them, so that I can decide that I need them.  For me, supporting the planet is a worthy excuse to indulge, so I’ll keep you posted about more eco-goodies as I discover them.         

              

Random Acts of Fabric (and Another So-Sew Pun)

     

            Most people probably don’t have this problem, but I’ve got this near-lethal issue that I love to sew stuff for myself and I hate to get rid of leftover fabric. Near-lethal, of course, for my storage space.  I’ve got a bottomless drawer in my bedroom that contains scraps of prom dress, throw pillow, and a wolf costume fabric.  Sew these scraps together and what do you get?  A hippie bag -- my solution to an overabundance of blue mermaid material from the 1^st grade (and other embarrassingly long relationships I have had with half-yards of cloth).  Hippie purses (or hobo bags) are stylish AND practical AND quite roomy inside, which is extremely useful for people who have trouble letting go of things.  I am posting the directions on how to make one in case there is anyone out there in the world with the same problem as me.  These directions are not precise.  I recommend reading over them once and then making up the rest as you go.     

1.  Cut your fabric as shown above.  You will need two circles for the bottom and 4 panels for the sides (liner included).  You will also need fabric or wide ribbon for the handle.  To give you an idea of the size, my circles had about a 9-inch diameter.       

2.  Sew the bottom of two panels (the part opposite the notches) to the edge of one circle so that the entire circumference of the circle has been stitched.  Now sew the panels to each other, to make the sides of the purse. 

3.  Repeat step 2 with the other pieces you have cut out to make a liner. 

4.  Now would be a good time to sew a button or other clasp on the front, if desired.

5.  Turn both parts of the purse inside out and stitch the tops together, except for the notches.  Those should be left as holes on each side so that a piece of long fabric or ribbon can be inserted to make a handle.

6.  Make a handle and put it on.  You figure out the details on this one.  My handles tend to be an improvisation with whatever scraps I have left.   

 

            This project works best if you do NOT use pins, measuring materials, or directions.  Work with the shapes of fabric that you have and don’t be too careful -- these bags hide flaws.  If the bag comes out good, take it to the beach or out on the town and impress your friends with your sewing skills.  If it comes out bad, throw it away -- at least you’ve used up some fabric! 

Cooking Something You Already Know How to Cook: Smoothies

Yesterday, I rediscovered smoothies.  I’ve always loved milk, fruit, and yogurt, but I forgot how delicious and surprisingly different they taste together.  The inspiration came to me when I found my brother’s unused blender sitting in our garage.  Since it’s July, I was able to use fresh, local ingredients like strawberries and blueberries to make my smoothies. 

            This is the recipe that I used to make a chunky and sweet, classic-tasting smoothie:

 

A blender (you can find one for under $20) 

1 banana (a medium sized banana has fiber and potassium, as well as only 105 calories)

1 small handful of blueberries  

5 strawberries, sliced

Approx. ¾ to 1 cup 1% milk (don’t measure, just pour it in)

Approx. ¾ cup yogurt (consider buying a large container if you’re going to make more than one smoothie)

 

These ingredients made enough to fill one large drinking glass.  The recipe has approx. 2 servings of dairy and 2 servings of fruit.   

 

            Today, I made another smoothie that I could eat during the winter, when most fresh berries aren’t available.  It had two teaspoons peanut butter, one banana, and a cup of milk, which made it more smooth and creamy than the berry one.  The peanut butter also added a bit of protein.  Both recipes were filling and would be a great breakfast for me to bring along to class in the fall.  Another great aspect of smoothies is the cleanup.  Everything was mixed in one pitcher, which meant I only had to wash two dishes, including the glass that I drank it from!

Mud for Mental Health

Running was my salvation this summer.  For 21 out of 30 days this June, there was rain in Augusta, ME.  Instead of watering our potted plants, we spent the month emptying the rain out of them.  Normally, that much gray sky would hurl me into a nasty funk of boredom and crabbiness.  I couldn’t lounge on the deck with my books, or eat breakfast in the sunshine, or hang my laundry on the line to dry.  Ironically, it was my conviction to embrace the weather (or at least give it an awkward one-arm hug) that prevented me from becoming a werewolf this summer.  In May, I had signed up for an Independence Day race, and I was determined to be powerful and fit by the 4th of July.  For eight weeks I trained, usually in a steady drizzle. 

            With sunny weather, getting myself motivated to run is a major daily challenge, so forcing myself to throw on sneakers and shorts in a 54 degree rainstorm took superpowers.  It was like deciding to jump into a cold swimming pool five days a week.  I wavered at the edge, but once I was outside with socks soaking up the puddles and lines of mud across my calves, I didn’t regret it.  Running got rid of the numbness in my butt that came from sitting inside all day.  It helped me sleep well at night.  It made me hungry for hearty food like baked potatoes, mushrooms and pasta, shepherd’s pie, and my mom’s Dominican rice and beans.  Every day, my legs were happily tired and I appreciated the misty air -- cool and delicious, like watermelon. 

            I’ve been a runner on and off for years and I know that I always feel best when I’m in shape.  I was surprised though, at how upbeat being in shape made me during one of the rainiest summers in Maine’s history.  If you’re feeling lazy and cranky and are considering trying getting in shape because it sounds kind of (but not really) fun, I URGE YOU TO DO IT.  Here’s how it will go: 

 

Day 1:  Enter with enthusiasm, but finish first workout with the impending doom of having to repeat something equally difficult from now until eternity. 

Day 2:  The same, without the initial enthusiasm. 

Day 3: The same. 

Day 4: A sense of accomplishment. 

Day 5:  Satisfaction and impeding doom combined. 

Week 2:  The beginning of a slow realization that you can only think about one workout at a time.  Running forces you to start focusing on the “now” because it’s too tiring to think about the future.    

 

            It took me a long time to come to terms with being a runner.  It’s a backwards sport, because I enjoy it most when I’m not actually running.  It was my 5k goal that kept me motivated to run five days a week.  I envisioned myself smug and exhausted after whizzing past crowds at my first race of the summer.  That’s what kicked me out the door on my grossest, least enthusiastic days. If you’re thinking of starting to run, sign up for a race that’s about eight weeks away.  Put it on your calendar with a count down and start training immediately.  I hope that by the end of your first or fifth or tenth race, you will learn to love it as I have.